Enlightened? — Questions

I realised I’m done with the thinking
because I realised the thinking is so limited

the moment you think the thought
you’ve broken up the light you want to understand
split it into colours to grasp and comprehend
the first thought is a deviation
a distraction
the first sound as well
so it must be something that happens
that is simply
before the thought
and that, I know, exceeds my human existence.

And still I love this mind
that brought me here
and brings me back here again and again.
There is no mind to be fought.
But a mind to be cherished for what it is:
a wonderful instrument of divine self-destruction.

But from here
all I can do is explore the world
with this consciousness
this awareness
and I’ve been coming up with questions

and the good thing with questions
I realised
Is they create less resistance
and most importantly
they lead you to curiosity
and curiosity is the most beautiful state

curiosity asks and contemplates
it doesn’t judge
it has no answers
it knows there is only stuff to see and experience
always something to learn from everything that happens
but at the same time knowing that there is nothing to be learned
but everything to be unlearned

and from this place of immense paradoxical wisdom
an abundant energy flows
and it keeps asking questions
and with every question
the heart cracks open again

what does it mean when this is all divine?
what does it mean when pain and joy are the same?
equally divine?
What does it mean if we are just love experiencing itself?
what does it mean if we are just illusions and expressions of the same?
because we must be, right? (this is a rhetorical question)
What does it mean that God is almighty? What does that mean? That the only thing out there is God? must be God?
What does it mean if war, violence, and rape are divine? What is God trying to teach the small human in this way?

Things fall away, some more easily than others.
Letting go of the past is easier than letting go of the future.
When I realised, there is no process, truly,
there is just presence and letting go,
the fall accelerated
and I keep falling
and it is the most beautiful feeling
one of pure liberation
divine surrender

into a state of:

I have no fucking clue.
Really no fucking clue.
It feels like:
Cosmic cluelessness.